Omegazine! Presents "Views from the Genealogy Frontier"

Genealogists, Get Out of the Cemetery!

We all dread our mortality, and yet when stung by the genealogy bug we spend countless hours (often alone) in the library, the cemetery, the archive room, and now on the Internet reading as much as we can about dead people. But why?

Do we hope to find some clue that we are descended from greatness? Royalty, perhaps? Or can it be that we do this out of the fear we might be related to someone dark and evil? Thus, seeking our relatives is the only way to prove innocence. So what's my point?

Well, if you're like I was several years ago, you're probably reading this sitting in the middle of your office, den or maybe even bedroom surrounded by a great pile of "finds" with noone to share them with and no closer to understanding who you are anyway. Are you a bad genealogist? Did you make some mistake in your research? Probably not, but I have found a better hobby, one that is much more rewarding. I call it Living Genealogy.

One day I'm sitting at home reading my e-mail, when I get to this message from a woman who is pleading for my assistance. She explains that her great-grandmother is deathly ill, and it just dawned on her to start working on her genealogy. "How," she asks, "can I get my great-grandmother to give what I need to know?" After a few minutes passed and my astonishment died down, I begin to wonder how many people like this woman need a wake-up call like eminent death to spur their research. (My advice to her was let her g-grandmother rest peacefully in her final days)

My advice to you, shift your focus onto living relatives, find cousins and then visit with them. Turn holidays into unforgettable experiences (good ones, please). Every story, anectdote and photo you collect will be worth more than the generations of names you've been collecting (or trying to).

Certainly, many of you already understand what I'm saying, but for many the genealogy death trap is all too common. Either way, don't stop reading this article, you may still learn something.

Now what? You've seen the light, followed my advice and found dozens (actually a few, if you're lucky) of living relatives. Start spending quality time with them. Avoid death trap #2: sudden exile. Living Genealogy is about forging new experiences while uncovering the past. I'll explain what I mean, but suffice it to say it is not about badgering your relatives every chance you get.

Recently I got a call from a fellow I had spoken to a couple of years ago about this very subject. He called to convince me that the idea was tragically flawed. He explained, "My cousins don't return my calls, and I'm pretty sure there was a family function I wasn't invited to." After I calmed him down and we talked, I convinced him that he had clearly gone overboard, overloading his relatives with questions. That's not what this is about.

Living Genealogy is a process of learning about your past while you experience your own life. It's not an alternate form of interrogation. Yet, how easy is it to get caught up in a fact-frenzy when you're a new genealogist? All you crave is "name, rank and serial number," (literally) and then it's on to the next relative. Stop!

Sure, some of your relatives won't be around forever. But, that's not an excuse to badger, haunt or oppress them. You'd be amazed at the oddest times my grand-aunt blurts out forgotten stories about her parents, or her childhood. We could be walking in the grocery store, or the park, or driving through the old neighborhood. It's like magic, but you have to be there.

Living Genealogy is a lot like investing. You have to put something in if you hope to get anything back. In my opinion, you can't lose on this venture. Spending time with relatives is the only way to make genealogy, everything else you dig up in a library is about your ancestors'.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, right? So how much are 1,000 words worth? I'd guess at least as much as a disposable camera and developing. Why don't you go out and buy one, then take some pictures of the town where your parents grew up. Don't snap a photo of the new strip mall; go for the oldest looking schools, the library, town hall, parks, etc. Next time you see your relatives, pass them around and see if you get back 1,000 words.

And when you're together with you relatives having a nice meal, why not start a Living Genealogy game, like try asking, "Who was the president when you were in first grade?" Or, "what was the first car your parents owned?" You'll quickly gain a new appreciation for my concept.

Here's one that always gets a few blank looks when I mention it. Have you ever offerred to help clean an older relative's home? You'd be amazed at what great stories lurk inside each and every closet!

I think you're getting the gist of my message. Just think out of the box a little. Be creative and most of all cherish the time you have with your relatives, they're your only real tie to the past.

About the author: Illya is the creator of several genealogy web sites, including his namesake D'Addezio.com that hosts information about Italian, German and Greek genealogy, along with two directories, Society Hill and Cemetery Junction. He's also the editor of the GenealogyToday.com web site. Illya's ancestors emmigrated from San Fele and Atella two very small towns in south-central Italy.

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Genealogists, Get Out of the Cemetery!

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